Let’s face it. Deep down you love your spouse. Even on their worst days, you care about them deeply. But if we’re being totally honest with ourselves… romance has a way of… coming and going. While we would do nearly anything for our significant others, sometimes we lose the “loving feeling” so to speak. So what do we do when the feelings aren’t there? When marriage feels more like work than romance? How do you rekindle your love?
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I’ve been with my spouse for 8 years now, and I can say from experience that marriage goes through many different seasons. Even if we are feeling less than romantic this season, we will find the next season to be filled with romance once again. This is why it is so important for us to never give up on our marriages. Seasons change. People change. And we must never underestimate the power of God to restore even the most broken of relationships.
And in the meantime, here are three ways to rekindle lost romance in your marriage…
- Pray for your spouse. This one seems like a no-brainer. Obviously, we should be praying for our spouses. The real question, however, is how we should be praying for them. When you’re upset with your spouse, it’s easy to pray and ask God to change them or make them a better spouse towards you. (I’ve been guilty of this a few times… “God, would you please help my husband to remember to pick up his dirty laundry???”) But are you praying for your spouse’s needs? Are you interceding for them and their difficulties? Never forget to take your spouse to God in humility and grace. After all, they too are deeply loved by God… imperfect but forgiven in Christ.
- Thank God for them on a daily basis. In the Garden of Eden, God created Eve because it was not good “for man to be alone.” Our spouse was meant to be a blessing in our lives. Truth be told, one of the enemy’s favorite tactics when it comes to our marriages is to make our spouse feel more like a burden… sometimes even a curse… rather than the blessing God intended them to be. Thank God every day for the blessings He has given you, and I assure you that your perspective will change.
- Choose to think differently about them. This one seems a little obvious, but it’s probably the hardest one. Our attitudes, opinions, feelings… they are choices we make each and every day. We can choose to see our spouses through the eyes of Christ, or we can choose to resent them. The choice is ultimately ours to make.
In the end, you must be willing to take the first steps towards seeing your spouse differently. You have to choose to walk by faith and not by sight believe that God can and WILL rekindle your love in your marriage.
Love is a verb, and every day we must make the choice to demonstrate love to our spouse.
Marriages certainly go through seasons; but in the end, we can choose to love our spouses through the more difficult times. And based on my experience, it’s choosing to love in the hard times that brings you closer together in the end.
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*Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations taken from the NASB.